


didn't you know

by Jezel (CalmMinds)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Broken Characters, F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lack of basic plot, Lily Luna centric, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, i own nothing, kinda weird if im being honest, zero idea of how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11229774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalmMinds/pseuds/Jezel
Summary: She was beautiful but not really. Slipping through the cracks of reality, slipping back in, ignoring everything wrong until she can't any longer oh no.





	didn't you know

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the grammar mistakes--particularly run on sentences are purposeful--and the repetition is kinda of the point.

Little Lily Luna was beautiful in a way no other person was: she had fire and wind and earth just _running_ through her veins.

And she knew it.

* * *

Albus was a third year Slytherin and James was a sixth year Gryffindor and personally Daddy was betting on Ravenclaw for her—even if Daddy didn't care about houses—but Mummy didn't know. _Mummy couldn't know_. Mummy didn't know a lot—she didn't know that Daddy knew that she was cheating on him for a long time but for Little Lily Luna's sake he dealt with it—and Mummy knew Lily Luna was going to be a Gryffindor _like her_ and just _love_ Hogwarts _like her_ and Lily really didn't want to disappoint her again. _She already did it too often._

So when she boarded the Express and sat across from a pure-blood with an American accent who hated magic and Joyce's voice was loud and _fun—and Lily could tell that Joyce was broken, and her veins were filled with gold—_ and she _loved her friend_ she couldn't even find it in her to care when Joyce started to talk about dying and death and— _wait, that was later_.

The trip across the lake—the boats and Joyce's hand were breaking the glass-like texture—was quick, and their Sorting seemed to drag, so when Joyce was called—Joyce's expression panicked for a split second—and sat down and got _Slytherin!_ who was Little Lily Luna to care? After all, she was already set to disappoint precious _Mummy_ and her jewel-like secrets—

And McGonagall put the hat on, and it sat on her head for a long time. _Who is this?_ the hat wondered, _and I know just the place for you._ And she sat by her friend, Joyce Morgan Autumn, and mused about what a strange name that was.

She was a terror in her first year. Joyce made her do her work, and she passed all of her exams with straight O's because, didn't you know it? _She had to go back_. And Daddy told her that he got her if she wanted too, and he would still loved her no matter what, but Albus was ignoring Daddy's owls and James was ignoring Mummy's and, didn't you know it? Little Lily Luna could feel her blood to start running, her mind going rapid-quick, and she clutched to Joyce.

She hugged Joyce goodbye and ran to her Daddy, who held her and kissed her blood red hair and stared into her Killing Curse eyes and whispered words of promise— _You'll still see your Mum—_ and he did the same for James, but Albus, who hated Daddy like he hated her and James, went with Mummy, and Lily didn't even get to say _goodbye_. Lily was never invited over to Ginny's house—Lily didn't even know her Mum, because that woman certainly _wasn't—_ but Daddy, James, and Little Lily Luna watched muggle movies, and played muggle board games, and had some of Daddy's cooking—much better than Mummy's—and Daddy would tell them stories, stories Lily knew _he_ knew, because it was about them, and James would laugh at the funny parts, and, for once, they were happy. But, didn't you know? Her Daddy was cursed, and that curse was bound to follow his Little Lily Luna, and his replica James Sirius, and Albus Severus, the lucky one, escaped the curse.

* * *

Her second year was fine. There was no more Weasley's and no more Potter's to be sorted. She was the youngest, and the whole castle seemed different. People stopped glaring, and Joyce stopped laughing, but, what did Lily know? She was just Little Lily Luna, and her older brother, replica James Sirius, and maybe Joyce Morgan Autumn, and they were going to rule the world one day.

Ginny kept sending her and James Howlers, saying how they would be kicked out of the family, but Hugo and Rosie said that the whole family was ignoring Ginny and maybe Albus Severus, and Little Lily and replica James and Daddy were always allowed over to any Weasley house. _Didn't you know? Little Lily Luna couldn't care_.

Her grades stayed as high as the sky, and her professors were saying how happy they were, that maybe she and Joyce should move up a year, but Daddy said no, and Little Lily knew why: Lily Luna was slipping, the cracks starting to show that though she was beautiful, there was still a little bit of blood inside of her, that she wasn't just _beauty_ and _power_ and _love_ that she _could be ugly_ and _weak_ and she could still _hate_. And, though her smile was still just as bright as the sun, didn't you know? Lily Luna only smiled because _someone_ had too, and it just so happened, as the youngest, that it was passed down to her.

Summer came and it all started to blend—Daddy started teaching Defense, and Mummy was going _crazy—_ and James Sirius just upped and left, but still appeared on Sunday for dinner. And Little Lily Luna started to draw—granted, not with paintbrushes and pencils—but with blades and knives, and occasionally a wand tip, and she didn't use paper and canvas, but her skin. Didn't you know? Those that smile but not mean it and those who couldn't care any more are the reason why Lily Luna had to smile. _Nothing was funny anymore_.

* * *

Third year was a new year, and it started off with boys. Boys boys boys boys. Joyce seemed to kiss one a day, and little Lily was more concerned with smiling—she had to smile, because Daddy couldn't, and only seemed to smile when she was around—and trying to make her Daddy proud. Daddy loved her, he always sported a green and silver scarf when he taught, and he was proud, and for the winter holiday Joyce and herself went to her dad's room and Joyce was grinning for once and she was laughing again and Daddy loved Joyce like a daughter, and Lily could smile.

Albus was in his fifth year and Daddy knew he wouldn't pass DADA and Little Lily Luna could see it in Albus' eyes that he wanted to run for Daddy, but Mummy wouldn't let him _go_ , and Daddy had to go to court for _custody_ and Mummy almost won but Auntie Hermione got Daddy Albus, and Little Lily, and Mummy disappeared into St. Mungo's. Lily never visited after the first time, where Ginny almost killed Lily, but Lily stilled tried to smile, even as she ran out of room on her legs for her words and went to her wrists.

That summer was the best, because James Sirius came home, and he wasn't like a replica...not anymore. He had a wide smile and light-hazel eyes, and he was in love and had a job at Gringotts. Daddy was proud, and happy, and Albus was able to scrap all of his OWLs, and Little Lily was lost.

* * *

Fourth year started, and Joyce was being beaten at home, and Lily cried with her and they compared words and promised to help each other. Lily was slipping again—Teddy came to visit Daddy, looking worst for wear, and Lily knew she wasn't needed—and Joyce was kissing two boys a day, and Lily was kissing no one, and they both did amazing in exams, though Lily only got an E in Arithmancy. Didn't you know that Little Lily wasn't quite as little anymore? No one bothered to really _look_ at Little Lily Luna, she wasn't the type of girl to flaunt her inability to deal with her demons.

Fourth year ended with Joyce's death and _tears_ and sobs and Daddy just holding her, crying with her, promising to keep her afloat and _little Lily, Dad's got you._ And summer was horrible, Lily slept a lot and got therapy but she hated it and it didn't work but Dad needed her to do it and _of course_ Lily Luna did because her daddy loved her and needed her, and Teddy was better, Teddy was moving back to Greece, and Lily could get the help she needed, and Mummy was still fuckin' nuts, but what did it matter?

* * *

And the start of fifth year started out simply, Slytherin still in mourning, and Lily threw herself into her work, working twice as hard, because Joyce _needed_ her to _butbutbut_ Joyce was _deadgone_ and Lily couldn't cope.

(She started kissing boys, and it was _sosososo_ easy to lose herself.)

And then it was Christmas and Little Lily saw Al and Scorpius kiss, and Rose dissolve into tears, and Lily left, feeling as if no one was willing to listen, and she ran like if she stopped she would die. The fire in her blood started getting hot, it started to burn her, and Little Lily needed ice, she needed _Joyce_ but she was dead and just wasn't there.

(But Joyce wasn't ice she was Lily's jewels, and not all jewels were riches darling. She needed the cold. She missed being cold.)

And then fifth year again, and Al and Scorp were together, and Rosie sobbed in Lily's arms, just shaking, and Lily introduced her to a nice boy in Ravenclaw and Rose just fell in love. Lily seemed to date a boy for a week, and then drop him, because each one had a different temperature but she needed _ice_. Something freezing so she wouldn't be melting in her own body. She took her OWLs and got straight Os, because she had nothing else but kissing boys and studying, and Daddy had finally noticed something was wrong.

The summer after fifth year was filled with flings with muggle boys, who fell for her blood red hair and Killing Curse eyes and it seemed that Lily was just running faster and faster. She was getting hotter and hotter—her heart was on _fire—_ and then Teddy came back.

Teddy was as cold as a snowy day. He was colder than Joyce's dead body, and so what if she needed him at the young age at sixteen. Didn't you know that Lily was running out of breath to keep running, she needed to cool down fast, and Teddy seemed to like her heat? She needed him, for his coldness and frostiness and the cold has never felt so divine.

* * *

Sixth year blew by in a series of kissing boys to maintain her temperature, cramming for the exams, and ignoring Hugo, who was a seventh year and tracked her down to help him with Arithmancy. She finally seemed able to stop, her blood wasn't pulsing _hothothot_ anymore.

Summer after that was easy to handle. James was still working, Albus was working at the Ministry, as an Oblivator, and he loved it and still going strong with Scorp, and Dad was so _proud_ of her and Lily could feel herself slowing down, and she relished it.

Teddy had been looking at her, and that sent pleasant ice down her veins. And so what if she had sent him a wink and a kiss on the way to her seventh year, and delighted in the blush?

* * *

The Head Girl badge made her popular again, and she began to make a gigantic group of friends, and she loved Ciara and Jake just a little less than she missed Joyce, but missing Joyce was usual, and she thought nothing of the pain when someone mentioned her name.

Christmas break came, and Teddy kissed her and told her that he had always loved her, and that she made him feel warm, and perhaps after Lily graduated they could give dating a try?

(She was feeling better, back to the way she had started Hogwarts, like she wasn't itching in her skin no more.)

She got all of the required NEWTs for her career—Dad still didn't know, but Albus and James were always grinning at her, eager for it—with Os, and she and Teddy went on their first date at a little pizza shop, and it was so cheesy that they ended up skipping stones at a nearby lake, and they kissed and it was _magic_.

She left Hogwarts feeling like she knew herself, that she no longer had fire or wind or earth running through her veins, that she was just Little Lily Luna, daughter to the Boy-Who-Lived, she felt no longer cursed, James was no longer cursed, her Dad was smiling on his own again, and life was _beautiful_.

(Years later, she was still sitting by Joyce's grave on days where it got too much, she still sometimes could feel herself getting too hot, but one look at Teddy had her cooling down, and she loving her job. (She worked as an Unspeakable, and she loved it and the mystique.)

Didn't you know? Lily Luna Lupin was no longer Little, she wasn't not knowledgeable, and she loved being herself, the triple alliteration. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Eh not very good but whatever. Kinda of my first post but not really. If there is any spelling or grammar mistakes that don't seem purposeful, please just ignore. It's pretty late, and i wrote this at four thirty am so...:( If you liked it, leave a review, kudos, whatever. Thanks for reading!


End file.
